An Evening of Fellowship

Last evening we had families from our ladies' group over for a dish to pass supper, games and a bonfire. It worked out that we had the same number of adults as children so we played "buddy kickball". Each child chose which adult they wanted to play with, then Diana and Sarah chose teams.

Notice each little person has a big person (except Joanna in this picture, 'cuz she was my buddy and I was running around snapping photos:) The sky was hazy, but it looks worse in this photo because our campfire was sending smoke over our ball diamond-we moved the diamond!

Uncle Kelvin and Louisa playing out field

Daddy (Jonathan) and Retta on second base, "Are you ready little girl?" -"when he kicks that ball, we gotta run."

Sarah and her Mama Jessica. Sarah really got into the game-being team captain and getting Mama all to herself was wonderful! (Sarah did a great job kicking that ball!)

Lexi and her Daddy Jeremy ready (or not) to kick the ball "Hard, Lexi!" (She kicked it about two feet and made it safely to first base in Daddy's arms).

Carson played ball with Jeremy as his buddy before heading back for a canoe trip on the grass with the "zoo picture camera."

Lexi with her mommy Katie on second base. I love Lexi's expression. She really enjoyed herself!

Diana and her mom Erin have a reflective moment with the ball. "Which way should we throw it"? "They made it safely to base, mom."

Uncle John Perno, "This here's my buddy Carlton, my man!"

Aunt Jessie and Joanna posing pretty for the camera:)

The ball game was a blast, but it didn't last too long; the kids attention spans and our ambition levels carrying them around the bases reached fizzle point after about four innings and 35 minutes. We decided it was s'more time.

Love, love, love the expressions on these faces, and covering up from the heat. We'll even face fire for a s'more!

Notice Carlton roasting his big chunk of firewood, and Louisa holding the baby doll. I wish none of them had to go home. I could have bottled this moment!

Parades

This year Kelvin went with me to the Memorial Day parade in Avoca, our hometown. The man second to the right in the photo below is Kevin's second cousin, Shane Slayton.

No parade is complete without a band! Several kids we know are in the band, but I couldn't pick them out if I tried!

Our neighbor, John Walsh is our Steuben County Legislator. He restores lots of antique vehicles and always has something very cool and unusual to drive. This is a 1898 Conderman Electric, made in Hornellsville, NY.

My sisters-in-laws Jessica and Sharon took their girls in the parade. The signs says: Slayton's Country Girls of America.

Joanna and Alyssa resting after their hot ride in the truck.

The plaque reads: In memory of the men of this town who laid down their lives for their country during the War of the Rebellion 1861-1865

War of REBELLION?! My, I guess we know how Bath citizens viewed the Civil War!

The Dairy Parade was the following weekend. Kelvin and I met up with Erin & Jonathan to watch the parade. This was my favorite float...the cow jumped over the moon...!

Jonathan and Retta

Miss Diana

Miss Louisa

Jonthan and Erin said we needed to find a RED tractor to get their picture taken with, so we trompt to the far side of the fairgrounds to find the Internationals!

Kelvin and I in front of a 4020, of course. (We have a 4020!)

Dad treated us all to chicken BBQ both weekends, which is a treat we look forward to each year. Poor Dad-it's starting to get quite expensive!

As Life Goes On

I haven't posted in a long time, and for that I apologize-I wanted to write and let you all know how I'm feeling, but have been afraid of the reaction. Many of you may think I'm doing worse than I was a year ago, or even two years ago when we lost our sons. I say no. The acute pain I want to tell you about is present every day, and shows itself in the most unexpected ways that surprise even me. Like watching Kelvin play with Trixie and realizing there should be little boys toddling around the grass after them. Or the pain at realizing that my babies aren't babies anymore. That hit me at the Memorial Day parade as I watched three children born within a few months of my sons running, not toddling, across the grass in the town square, talking and laughing.



The other pain is the way time ticks on and we still find ourselves childless, counting the flow of time by the number of babies that are born to other mothers. Some of these pregnancies are unexpected and marginally welcomed, while others heralded as a great favor from the Lord: "For this child I prayed". Please do not misunderstand me. I am thankful for all these new lives, and am thankful for praying parents who give the desires of the hearts to the Lord. And I'm thankful that He answers prayers. It just sounds like somehow those of us that have prayed and prayed without evidence of an answer aren't praying hard enough, fervently enough or that we have some hidden sin in our lives that keeps the Lord from answering our payers. No! God doesn't answer our prayers based on the effort put forth. The Bible says He sends rain on the just and the unjust. We all need to pray for our children-not just that they will be born, but that they will serve the Lord all their days. Remember, when Hannah in the Bible said "For this child I prayed" she proceeded to make good on her promise to give her son to God to be used by Him all of his life. Hannah didn't pray selfishly, that she would have her child at her feet to comfort her in her old age, she gave Samuel away. In the same way we need to give our child (our hopes, dreams, and plans for the future) to God. The most important thing is that our child glorify God, and although we are the instrument that the may use in shaping our child, it is ultimately up to God whether our child is saved and what they do with their lives. What freedom comes in the knowing of these truth.



As we continue to wait for God to bless us with a child, I wonder if it will ever happen. If we already had all the children we will have. Some days I find it hard to see the point in getting up and working. I don't see a future. I see the pain in the past and it feels like it will never leave. Some days I wonder what it was like living without pain. It has become a part of me. Sometimes the memory of my boys is soft and comforting. Some days the pain is sharp. Sometimes I'm jealous of the other mothers that have lost children-that now have a new baby in their arms or older children to hold. It seems a two-fold loss to lose both your children AND struggle with infertility. Yet I know we are not alone. There are many other couples that struggle with infertility that would give their eye teeth to have a child, even if it meant burying their child within days of it's birth. Infertility is an often overlooked pain, and I am here to tell you I empathize with you. The struggle is painful. Time is an enemy; it never goes fast enough, it never slows down.



I know many of you pray for us. We are so thankful. We covet the prayers of God's people. We pray for you, knowing it isn't easy raising children or being parents. We are so very thankful for our friends; so many of you show us love everyday. Thank you.